Thursday, May 10, 2007

Remaining Childfree

My partner and I are childfree. Initially this was due to necessity but now it is also a choice.
Both of us are probably infertile but I don't want to explain this to everyone I know especially as this will most likely result in unwanted sympathy. Even if it was possible for me to have a biological child or to adopt one, I would still choose to remain childfree.
Most of my decison is health related. I'm not the healthiest person and I have no idea how much of that might be genetic. I've been lucky enough to find a loving partner but that doesn't mean that passing on my genes is the right thing to do. For me, that's part of being responsible. This is a personal choice that is right for me and I don't expect others to make the same choice. I couldn't cope with the guilt if I somehow gave a child any of my chronic illnesses. If I was only thinking about passing on my blindness my decisions might be different. My life is valuable and I'm glad that I and other people with disablities and chronic illnesses exist. With that said, I wouldn't give this to someone I love. Even if my child would only carry my poor genes without being negatively affected by them I still feel like I should do my part to remove my genes from the gene pool in the future. This choice is called genetic-suicide by some and I can see why; however, not every gene leads to wonderful things.
Adoption would circumvent the genetics concerns. However, I don't have the monetary or physical resources to take great care of myself so how would I take good care of a child? The mental health of my child would be more important to me than physical health. If I honestly assess myself, I have to say that I don't think that I could give a child a stable enough home life.
Some would say that I'm doing the right thing and that I have no buisness even considering having children. Others might say that I'm selfish because I'm putting myself first. (In my book, I need to put myself first to be able to do anything else.) Overall, I wish I didn't care what others think. I this this should be a decision between the intended parents and it would be best to ignore outside pressures as much as possible. That said, it's really hard to tell my own Mom that I not only can't give her grandchildren but I also choose not to.
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