Income, Nutrition, Weight, and Spoons

If Only People Understood Nutrition is one of those posts that I adore that then gets me thinking. I adored it so much I shared it with friends, one of which wrote You wouldn't be fat if you just ate right! to express his agreement.

While I agree with what FatNutritionist has said I had a hard time applying it to myself. I've been very lucky, I have an income source that covers the basics if I'm careful. I hesitated to see how I could 'let' this apply to me since I'm able to pay the rent, utilities, and buy food other than ramen when nothing unexpected comes up.

Here's where the catch comes in. I'm chronically ill and so is Mr. Wacky. Many of the ways to eat frugally take more spoons. Most foods that don't take many spoons to prepare are expensive or unhealthy.

Most of the suggestions I read on the internet for treating various chronic health issues include dietary changes. Being on any type of diet with food restrictions tends to up the financial cost and spoon cost of food preparation. 

Often I hear that I wouldn't be sick if I ate better and I wouldn't be fat if I ate better plus I wouldn't be sick if I weren't fat. I've had people tell me that if I really wanted to get better I'd do whatever it took to change my diet. I tell them I put every resource I have into it and am told I'm just making excuses.
(My fun/entertainment budget is often used as 'proof' that I'm lying. I need something to take my mind off pain and to put fun into my life when I'm mostly housebound except for medical visits and errands. Mental Health is important too.)

I've looked up resources about frugality on the Internet. The funny thing is, many people who write about frugal living aren't actually living near, at, or below the poverty line. Or they have large families and can take advantage of economies of scale that just aren't feasible for a family of two. Sometimes, the ideas just don't apply to the resources available in your geographic area or just take too much energy for a chronically ill person to take advantage of.

My internet research hasn't been utterly useless.  Some ideas have been helpful such as couponing, buying in season, don't buy things just because they're on sale and you might use them, emphasize flavor over quantity while cooking, check dates and only buy what you will use before it goes bad, check the per unit price, use generics, think about travel costs before driving to get a good deal, use your pantry, use what you have before buying something, and store things properly.

I've learned some tricks over the years for cooking as well. Using our crock pot slow cooker has helped immensely because the prep work can be spaced out. Sit to do as much as possible. Mixing prepared and fresh items to maximize nutrition with as little work as possible. Look for recipes with a short ingredient list. Always keep in mind clean up and use liners for pans whenever possible. Leftovers make good breakfasts and lunches. Use a timer you can keep with you so you don't forget something in the kitchen.

I've basically given up on standard meal planning despite how much money it could save us. Instead, we buy a standard group of things with very little variety that can be combined in various low-energy ways because we just can't predict what will be an appropriate dinner any day. Unfortunately, this leaves us in quite a culinary rut.

Ideally I'd throw casseroles together on my 'good days' that can be kept in the freezer till needed. However, we don't have the storage space or tools for that and I haven't had a day that good in years.

When I spell it all out here, I see that I have additional barriers to good nutrition beyond my income. Knowing that someone like FatNutrionist ends up writing blog posts because people who can barely afford ramen and mac and cheese are getting told they could do better if they only tried right does help me to realize that no matter what I do someone is not going to think it is enough.

No one else is going to cut me any slack on this subject. I'll have to 'let' Fat Nutrionist's post apply to me because when I look at the big picture, it sure looks like it does.

Blogging Against Disablism Day

I have both a congenital sensory impairment (legal blindness) and a chronic illness (fibromyalgia and CFS/ME/CFIDS).
Frequently, both communities are grouped together since both things can be considered 'disabilities' however, their needs and concerns are different. I'm honestly not sure how effective this is and I'm not sure how well each group can understand the other.
Honestly, it is in the best interest of those with congenital and acquired physical/sensory impairments to promote the image that they can do almost anything with the right, usually minor, adjustment. (Such as a ramp, reader, etc.) The emphasis is on how basically capable this group is as a whole and that's how it should be.
I realize that physical/sensory disability can be associated with chronic health problems. Many people with spinal cord injuries have chronic pain for example. Plus, health problems can lead to disability.
Chronic Illness seems so different. Yes, it may require similar use of aids & appliances and the need for personal care attendants. However, I'm not sure how well the two fit together.
Personally, once I learned 'how to be blind' I pretty much had it figured out. I got the 'blindness skill toolbox' if you will and was able to go on with my life. If an obstacle came up, I usually even had an idea of what would help eliminate it. The support I needed was mostly about society and how to change it.
Then my fibromyaliga and CFS/ME/CFIDS kicked into full gear. Things became unpredicitable. Yes, I needed to learn a new set of tools but that box will never be static. My enemy is now multifold: my body, society, my doctor, and minute aspects of the environment around me.
One example is attendant care. A person with a disability may need attendant care to be able to go out into the community. They are frequently housebound without attendant care but once they have appropriate attendant care many things become possible including working. For a person with a chronic illness, attendant care won't necessarily enable someone to go out into the community or any other quality of life enhancement. Sometimes all it will do is help slow the rate of degeneration.

As for public appearances, I'm pretty sure that when I get out of my snazzy red wheelchair and take a few steps to my seat I'm doing a dis-service to another young person because it spreads the idea that maybe the next person who comes by will be able to do the same thing. Or when I use my chair on Monday but not on Thursday someone will get the idea that I was 'cured.' Should I not do what I can because it may somehow harm the public image of other people with disabilities?
I am usually pushed by Mr. Wacky. If I'm sick enough to need to be in my chair, I'm not well enough to push myself long distances. However, I doubt many people without a chronic illness would want to be pushed.
People with static disabilities want to present themselves as basically functional and competent.
People with chronic illnesses seem to want and need different things depending on the nature of their exact illness. Overall, they seem to want to be believed to be truly physically sick and to be believed about their current level of ability at that moment. Instead of struggling to be seen as more capable than they appear, the struggle actually seems to be the opposite.
While there is strength in numbers and collations are very effective in matters of civil rights, I'm just not sure that grouping disability with chronic illness is the most effective thing for both groups long term.

My, you've lost weight

In 2008 I lost about 16% of my body weight. The changes to my body have been noticeable but what has impressed me more has been how other people have responded  to the changes in my body.
I have a standing weekly appointment to exercise in order to maintain my ability to walk and do other basic ‘activities of daily living.’ For a time. when I arrived I’d be told how good I looked because of how much weight I was losing. This scared me. Yes, I was exercising but I’ve been doing this with these same people for 2 years so the weight loss was a definite change not due to the exercise. No one bothered to ask me what was up.
I almost stopped exercising due to the constant focus on the size of my middle while I was busy trying not to throw up. I felt objectified and noticed only for the size and shape of my body.
I doubt I really looked good. People who saw me from the neck up, seated, or for the first time would comment on how poor my color was or how I wasn’t behaving normally.
Whenever I would express concern about my weight loss I felt brushed off. I was not trying to lose weight. No matter how fat I am or was initially, losing weight without knowing why is a real cause for concern. In my case, I was eventually diagnosed with gallstones that were causing chronic nausea and abdominal pain. You see, I was probably losing so much weight because I was too sick to eat and to process what I could eat. This lead to malnutrition.
The results of the weight loss may have been good for me but this has been expensive. I am not someone who can easily afford new clothing and I don’t own a sewing machine. Luckily, a kind relative donated clothing to me. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself prideful but I do care a little bit about how I look and know enough to be aware that wearing clothing that is 6 sizes too big is not only potentially embarrassing but isn’t going to help my image problems one little bit.

Hiding my opinions

I have opinions but I hardly ever share them.
Mr. Wacky gets to hear them all because I trust that I won't lose him over a difference of opinion. Plus, he and I have worked out ways to have respectful conversations about politics and other 'heated' topics.
I don't make friends or even acquaintances easily so I'm loathe to possibly lose someone over something like an opinion. After all, everyone has them and most people firmly believe that their opinion is the 'best', the most well researched and well founded one there is.
A problem comes in when I feel that I am misrepresenting myself. Lies of omission. I don't state that I agree with the discussion at hand but I don't state that I disagree either. Experience has taught me that many people interpret silence as tacit agreement rather than as 'if I can't say anything nice, I won't say anything at all.'
I don't intend that to mean I want to be rude to others about their opinions. Rather, I'm afraid that I might offend. I know full well that my opinions aren't usually mainstream and are sometimes quite harsh.
While I think I have good reasons to hold the beliefs and opinions that I do, I don't want to be obnoxious about them. So, I'll listen to another point of view and consider it carefully. If I wasn't willing to do that, I'd still have the same opinions I did at 18. If asked about my reasons, I'll do my best to state them. However, I don't tend to volunteer the information.
I think I come across as someone who doesn't ever think about things. I do, far too much even. I just don't want to lose friends or potential friends over my thoughts. That's one reason almost no one knows about this blog. I thought that by not telling anyone about it I'd feel safe to write in it. I guess my plan needs more work. Especially since I'd like some people in my life other than Mr. Wacky I can talk to about concepts and ideas.

Plurk and Shyness

I’m shy. Part of it is a lack of social confidence and a low tolerance for social frustration. However, I find myself interacting with others on Plurk. Why is that? It is not as if those interactions are not fraught with anxiety for me.
I had hoped that the internet would be my key to socialization. I’ve tried mailing lists, LiveJournal, social/support MUDs, forums, online games, blogging, instant messaging, etc. I can’t claim that all of the above have been utter failures. (I did meet my SO after all.) However, each has seemed flawed and I’ve fallen into lurk mode easily.
High volume gets me quickly. I hate feeling ‘out of the loop.’ I got enough of that irl. Plus, I’m obsessive enough to have trouble deleting things without at least a reason such as that subject line doesn’t interest me. With mailing lists and forums I learned quickly that the subject line rarely remained relevant for long. Mailing lists became easier when my email client gained the ability to thread messages by subject. However, I’ve still left the majority of mailing lists I’ve ever been on.
I have trouble inserting myself into an established group. This a problem in any social situation. I always assume that I must have something of merit to add to a group to earn acceptance. However, I assume that I have nothing of value to add to the group so I don’t try. I don’t want to have my first interaction be asking for help or advice but I rarely feel I have good suggestions to offer. Plus, I haven’t yet proven to a new group that there is any reason that I might have good suggestions.
Social/support MUDs worked for me for quite some time. The ones I used were topical which had a huge advantage for me of giving me a topic that was probably ‘safe.’ As I became older, I wanted to be more multi-faceted. I realized that I needed to be more balanced. As a result I needed to pull away from my only social resource.
LiveJournal eventually took the place of my safe Mud. I even followed most of the same people. I enjoyed the variety of topics that I could get sucked into and the ease of reading my friends page that I could easily filter. I gradually became overwhelmed and backed away from LJ. Part of it was the stupid things Six Apart did but not all of it. I don’t really use my new InsaneJournal account.
The isolation finally got to me and I tried forums. No go there either. On a purely functional level, I could hardly ever get the ‘find new posts’ feature to work on any board type even when I was careful to close the tab when done and avoid using my back button.
The forums on Ravelry are unique and I want to like them. That statement implies I don’t, huh? I honestly can’t put my finger on why. I need to expend more mental effort to learn how to use the system.
Along comes Plurk and I find myself spending hours on the site. Why?
I suspect it is that I convince myself that I can’t screw up too badly in 140 characters. Looking at PostSecret, my guess is that most secrets are less than 140 characters so I’m positive that is a delusion. However, 140 characters is within my brain’s editing limit so most of my plurks have a decent chance at being semi-coherent.
Plurk threads comments and their replies which I find far superior to Twitter. I love the little mini-conversations. Even better I’m able to mute conversations that I’m bored with or I find upsetting. This is a key reason that I’ve kept using the site, it’s so easy to avoid things. However the mute feature does break on occasion.
Also, the Karma system lets me tell myself that even if the other person hates me, I’m still helping their karma by attempting to reply to their plurk. I’ve made a conscious decision to be nonchalant about my own karma. I do get replies to my plurks on occasion but my casual attitude about karma is helping me not be too obsessed about watching for replies. Instead I just get to be pleasantly surprised.
What does concern me is that people might not un-friend me due to the karma system. No, I don’t want to drive people away but I don’t want people to keep me as a friend because they don’t want to hurt my karma. Normally I’d try to convince myself that this is a baseless fear but I’m read threads about just this.
I’m not sure how long I’ll stick with Plurk. I could get overwhelmed and quit at any time. However, Plurk had a steep learning curve for me and I’m shocked that I put up with it.